Had to drive DaveG's work truck today. He's out of commission cuz of his damn finger. He invited me to him and Hope's wedding reception on the 19th. I dont want to go alone, and i dont know if Steven will go with me.
He just texted me.. which i found weird. cuz he usually calls. turns out he was texting me while working out.. what a weirdo, who does that?! but i must say, thats one hell of a way to know that he likes me.. lol He'll probably call me after he works out, at least i hope he does.
I get some weird vibes from him. I really need to sit down with him and ask him what his deal is. While i dont think he's married and i'm totally the other woman type, I just want to know the truth. He hasnt told me or even seemed to bring it up. So i'm definitely going to have to bring it up at dinner on friday night.
I'm not very good with writting journals. I've always said that I would start a diary/journal and that I would write in it daily. But the problem is that I have a hard time trying to remember to write or find the time in my diary/journal. I always find things to write about when I'm not in front of a computer. But when I am in front of a computer I can't remember what it is I need to write. I thought about taking notes and then writing in my diary/journal. But I get paranoid because I'm afraid that the wrong people will read it. I don't mind complete strangers reading my diary/journal. It's my close friends and family that I worry about reading it.
These are MY goals for 2008:
These are my goals. I want to achieve 90% of my goals by year end. I can as long as I put my mind to doing it and keeping God first in my life and not let others and their feelings for me get to me.
My priority is MY FAMILY -- CORI AND JAZMINE. After that is my Mom. Last but not least, is supporting us in the things that we need and want to do. PERIOD, the end.
The First Fable of CharlaX The First Fable of CharlaX A Falcon Cry The Falcon Cries: He spreads his wings in vain attempts to dry He tells me once in a whistle WHY? Why cannot we fly? When will the rain let up and let me in the air? When will the water stop to drop on feathers so wet there? The Falcon Cries: A mournful sound so loud in quiet of early morn His claws dug deeper in the branch to keep from being torn Away from perching in the storm His sharpened beak at work to smooth his feathers He was using extra care no longer talking just to me his only whistle Told me many things The Falcon Cries: We disagreed with all the rain both the Falcon and the eye. Why can't we fly? Eye could clasp the bird to bosom and dry his feathers there A bird so wild and wonderful so hurt With all my tears for the Falcon Cry.
I am really trying to do my WW and keep points! SO far so good but noticed it was much easier when I thought CN wanted to be broke up with me. now that he has caved I am wanting to EAT again!Anyway,I am doing pretty good, I've been on program1week, not sure about how much lost because the stupid Rec center scale sucks! Think I'm gonna buy a WW scale! but I think Iwas 127 on the2nd when I started and now I am124. SO, that is good!I am really just lookingtofit into my old jeans that I could wear justover a year ago! I want to look GOOD!, DAMN GOOD and that makes me feel GOOD! and darn it, I am worth it! I also want to look good for CN,,, maybe make him either love me better or be really sad he's missing out on "THIS!" Today was my hardest day by far, I was just "hungry" all day and so I ate a little more throughout the day which made my points 24ish! rather than the 20 I'm trying to stay at! I think I am starting to wear the "HUNGER BADGE OF COURAGE" proudly!!!!! I've also been working out PRETTY HARD and upped my minutes at the gym by about 20 extra min. a day! It is tough but I can do it! I want to wear those HOT MAMA JEANS! I want to make heads turn by Valentines day! Maybe then,I can get a "date!"
THANK YOU GOD, for my boys, our perfect health and all your precious blessings you've given us! With YOU GOD, all things are possible! (even me getting skinny thighs!)
NIGHT NIGHT!
Cory texted me Sunday night and Monday a few times. I didn't respond. I had already deleted hisnumbers from mycellphone! Anyway,then he called the house Monday night (last night). Jett answered the phone! I hung it up, so I didn't have to talk to him! Earlier in the evening last night, Jett asked if Cory and I would get married. I told him no and that we were actually taking a break from eachother. He later said, how he wants CN to be his daddy because he is the best wrestler. I said, oh I bet all men can wrestle and plus what if mommy found him a new daddy that lived in the country and had horses. then we could have horses? He thought that was okay,,,and just dropped it.
anyway, through the several texts CN finally talked me into calling him, when I did he admitted that he "thinks" I am the best one for him and he's stupid to let me go and he "thinks" he can love me regardless of my issues.
NOW, isn't that just what I wanted to hear only about 4 days ago, but NOPE not now!
I am starting to figure this out! He was "in control" when he made me think he dumped me. during this time I was a ball of nerves and just a MESS!AND I thought I kind of wanted him back! THEN, when he said he pretty much wanted me back I was "in control" again and back to my old self! I even noticed I was better at my new years resolutions (Love and Logic, keeping my cool) when I was "upset", NOW I am just back to my bitchy normal self.BUT I refuse to let this demon control me! It doesn't matter if I am with CN or not, I CAN and WILL be incontrol of myself, my attitude and my awful behavior. Anyway, I told him that we are STILL broke up and I will only get back together with him if I "know that I know, that I know," that he is the ONE I want to spend the rest of my life with! I said, we will either stay broke up forever or go straight from broke up to engaged! THe person I'm gonna be with is gonna be the one I want forever or I'm not wasting my time! (WOW, that's a change in attitude from a year ago! SInce I was NEVER getting married back then!)OH we'll see how long this "strong headed persepective" lasts!
SO, I wasn't planning on texting or talking to CN for awhile again after monday night because I said we needed to "avoid" to make this breakup real and so I can get my shit together! Well, he texted me several times this afternoon (Tues) beacause he had the stomach, puking flu and needed my "love and support". SO, I gave in and felt bad for him so I called him tonight! OH well, I can still be nice right! Even though we are STILL BROKE UP!
Equal Opportunity
Our cat, Luffy, is a tactical and diplomatic guy. He walked into our life when he was 2-month old, at that time he had fleas all-over his tiny body, he suffered skin infection, and his left leg was not functioning well. So he was a fragile little thing.
A year has passed, Luffy is not only survived but also established himself within the Chan's kingdom, in addition, he was very successful in fighting for his welfare despite that the political situation was not very favorable for him at the very beginning. In fact that the President of the house was not quite a cat lover even the first lady and young prince tried hard to persuade the President to have some sympathy for little Luffy.
However, Luffy did great job in fighting for animal human equal opportunity. When there is a fish on the table, he will sit in front of the person who is currently eating the fish with his cutest expression; you will immediately feel guilty for not giving him the fish head. It is very obvious that he strongly believes that it's the part specially brought for him to enjoy.
Step by step, Luffy has been working on his right as a family member slowly but surely. First, the right to use the chair, now he is entitled in sitting on the chair next to us being a polite listener of our family dinner table discussion. Second, the right to enjoy friendship, in recent mornings after breakfast he will wait at the door and the first lady is obligated to open the door for him so he can meet his old friend, the cleaning lady for her to say good words about him. The third, the right to use the double bed and blankets, he uses every single opportunity to jump without hesitation on the bed and enjoy a good sleep in Don Don's new blanket filled with goose feather. It's not about the cold in the winter, it is for showing us that he can do what you do.
Luffy has expectations for life and tried whatever he can to improve his standard of living and made his life more colorful. He took risk of being punished every time when he tasted the new flavor of life. Good fishy food on table, newly changed bed sheets, and all Don Don's new toy. Luffy has great character which we, humans are lack of, 'not afraid of failure'. I admired Luffy's bravery, persistence and determination to live the life he wanted not the life he was offered.
My coworker Dave has been out of town in Utah working. I've been driving his work truck and it totally sucks. I had to drive out to BFE el centro- all for a standby case. And just as I was leaving thinking I was done for the day I find out that my other dumbass coworker Dave hurt himself pushing one of the lasers.. seriously?!!? i've been working there for 2 years and i havent hurt myself yet!! and i'm a girl!!!!!! I ended up having to cover his case and it was just crap. I had so much shit to unload and it was all heavy. Soooo not fun..
I miss steven. I didnt think he was going to call yesterday; and just as i was thinking that the phone rang.. he has espn. haha
I so cannot wait to see him on Friday night. I dont know how much alone time we'll be able to spend but anytime is good time.We'll see what happens after dinner. But all i know is that i am going to give him the best kiss ever. lol
cancermoonchild 45, Female, California, USA - 32 entries
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